Before They Were Famous

This is the funniest clip I've come across in at least a year:



Stephen Colbert and Steve Carell together on the Dana Carvey Show.

Effin' Hilarious

I missed this while watching the game live, but laughed my ass off when I saw it on YouTube. Keep an eye on Henne as he is rapidly removed from the scrum.



HT: RCollier27 at Conquest Chronicles

Trojan Envy?

From a Domer? Yes, indeed, and expressed in a public forum, no less. What is the world coming to?

What has to be even more painful (if you're a Notre Dame fan), is the realization that your hoodie-wearing, crew-cutted, robot genius coach with all the Superbowl rings may not be the savior of your storied football program after all. I wonder if anybody in South Bend is having second thoughts about giving Charlie Weis that multi-million dollar 10-year contract extension after his seventh game as a collegiate head coach.

What planet ya from, Charlie?

Ooooooo, I liked this. Best quote:

"Hey, care to know what befuddles me, Charlie? How the head coach of Notre Dame, a program which has consistently been overrated and ranked higher than it deserved to be for more than a decade -- and for most of the past century -- has the audacity to complain about polls. I mean … wow! That more than befuddles me."

Be careful, Charlie - remember what happened to the last coach who complained about the BCS standings, Tommy Tuberville (Arkansas 27 - Auburn 10).

HT: Student Body Right.

Update: Stewart Mandel of SI.com chimes in with some hard numbers.

My Thoughts Exactly

by Mr. Two Cents via EDSBS

After winning 34 straight, this is a relatively accurate representation of my, and I assume many other Trojans', gut reaction to losing to Texas in the Rose Bowl. I laughed out loud at this.

The Gods of Football

Nothing would please me more this evening than to see the outcome of the Rose Bowl virtually decided in the first quarter, à la this pious post by Orson at EDSBS, who has clearly seen the light of Trojan football, so that I can enjoy the rest of the game in joyful celebration.

Don't mess with Texas . . . I mean . . . the Bushes!

One of my 'SC friends sent me this link today. Highly amusing.

Future Vince Young Quote

Will be overheard in the Texas locker-room during halftime of the 2006 Rose Bowl:

"I can't beat it," Young said. "It's the Reggie show."

[see second section of linked article]

Mack Brown Thinks USC Is the Best

Mack, how do you motivate your team if you think your opponent is better?

What Kind of Rival Is UCLA?

USC has two big football rivals: Notre Dame and UCLA. However, the two rivalries are different. The Notre Dame rivalry is characterized by mutual respect. Both USC and Notre Dame have suffered more losses to each other than any other school. The game against Notre Dame almost always takes place in the national spotlight with victory often serving as a launching pad for national championships and Heisman trophies. The rivalry with UCLA, on the other hand, is characterized by mutual dislike (many would say hate, and that would not necessarily be inaccurate). A win over UCLA is nice simply because it keeps the folks across town out of our faces for another year and puts the Bruins in their proper place. I know, I know . . . UCLA fans will point to this sentiment as an example of typical Trojan arrogance; but it’s true.

UCLA players and fans seem to view the cross-town rivalry somewhat differently. College Football Resource gave his take on each side’s perspective a couple weeks ago:

Two rivalries stand out to me as almost comical. Those are the ill feelings between Auburn and Alabama and USC and UCLA.

Most rivalries have both schools on some kind of level ground. That is, Michigan fans can make a lot of claims that they're the best, but so can Ohio State fans. But with these two specific rivalries, there's a certain big brother/little brother feel to them that cracks me up. Not surprisingly, USC and Alabama play the big brother roles. They've had a lot more success over the years, have owned the rivalries and their fans approach the rivalry a little different than those on the other side.

For simple proof, I present to you two blogs, one by a USC fan and the other by UCLA fans. The USC fan is his usual cool cucumber, relaxed about his place in the world and oblivious to the presence of his rival. The UCLA fan, however, has worked himself into some kind of lather, absolutely frothing three whole weeks before the game against his big brother. This stuff is hilarious . . . . It's like to one side they're just happy with the obligatory win just to shut the other guys up, and on the other side their whole existence is built into the outcome.

USC’s take on the two rivalries is encapsulated by Matt Leinart and fullback Brandon Hancock in today’s Los Angeles Daily News:

Leinart: “We respect Notre Dame. It's a classy rivalry.”

Hancock: “We respect Notre Dame and at the end of the day it's a pretty healthy rivalry. But all bets are off with these pansies. We don't want to just beat them. We want to hurt them. We're not going to call the dogs off in the third or fourth quarter. We want to send a message.”

Music to my ears.

P.S. USC has played Notre Dame 77 times and holds a record of 30-42-5 against the Fighting Irish. USC is 40-27-7 against UCLA.

Welsh Rugby Fan Cuts Off Sack

My thoughts after reading this story:

• Maybe deals like this only help your team if God knows you're actually willing to hold up your end of the bargain.
• This guy is clearly . . . nuts, but I have to give him his due. I mean, people say stupid shit like that all the time, but how many people actually have the . . . balls to follow through.
• No wonder the Welsh population growth rate is four times less than the world population growth rate. Perhaps the Welsh should start rooting against their national rugby team. Or just ban wire cutters.
• No doubt this guy has the world's highest pain threshold, which reminds me of an anecdote about a friend's roommate (yes, I have met the roommate and verified the veracity of the story): So, the roommate is riding his freestyle bike at a terrain park when he slips off the pedals and racks himself on the frame. It hurts. However, he continues with this activity until he notices some blood. Being of sounder mind than the Welsh rugby fan, he decides it is time to go home. He rides his bike several miles back to my friend's house. There, he relaxes on the couch watching TV. It becomes apparent everything is not right, so his girlfriend convinces him to go to the hospital. He ends up receiving stitches at the ER to sew up his scrotum. Men know that there is no worse pain, qualitatively speaking, than getting hit in the balls. When I heard this story I was in absolute awe that my friend's roommate was able to function at all after this incident.

Poll Fiction

Freedom Dip takes exception to USC’s claim to a 2003 national championship in football (hat tip: Burnt Orange Nation):

Let's get something straight with USC and the rest of the college football world.

USC is NOT going for a 3-peat!!! Period.

Who won the national title in 2003? Wasn't it LSU?

If fans say, "Well, USC should have been in the title game." Then I say tough. The BCS is the system agreed upon by the coaches, and the coaches voted the Tigers No. 1 after the Sugar Bowl that year. Ap's vote doesn't even count anymore. BCS is the accepted system for now.

If USC claims half the title in 2003, then Auburn should claim half of the 2004 title.
End of story.

Well, allow me to retort.

Does Tommy Trojan look like a bitch?

I said, DOES TOMMY TROJAN LOOK LIKE A BITCH?

No? Then why are you trying to f*** him like a bitch, Freedom Dip?

Seriously, this is a tired argument and the only people trying to make it are LSU fans and other Trojan-haters. USC’s claim is that it is defending two consecutive AP national titles. Yes, there is a distinction. No, USC does not deny that LSU was a co-national champion in 2003 (I seem to remember some kind of ceremony on the south lawn of the White House with both teams present). Why are some LSU fans so determined to reject USC’s equally legitimate claim?

The NCAA does not recognize an official national champion in Division I-A football. Even the BCS itself concedes that there was a split national title in 2003: “For the only time since the BCS was formed, there is a split national champion.”

SI.com’s Stewart Mandel lays it out in his May 17, 2005 College Football Mailbag:

I'm getting sick and tired of all of you people saying that USC is going for a three-peat. Just being No. 1 in the AP poll does not mean you won the national title. Some people may think this is just an (even after five months) angry Sooners fan ranting, but it's crazy to say the Trojans are going for a three-peat.
--Seth Points, Haskell, Okla.

Tell you what, Seth: We'll stop referring to USC as two-time defending national champion just as soon as Oklahoma renounces its 1950, '55, '56, '74, '75 and '85 national championships. This may come as a shock to you (and to everyone else who has written in with the same complaint), but the Sooners won those titles the same way USC won its 2003 crown: By finishing No. 1 in the AP poll.

You may also be unaware that the crystal trophy handed out at the end of each year's BCS title game is not technically bestowed for winning the game but rather for finishing No. 1 in the coaches' poll (which, conveniently, is required to vote the winner of the game No. 1). So, unless for some reason you think the coaches' poll is somehow more legitimate than the AP poll -- and, as far as I know, they've been considered pretty much equals for about 70 years -- then there's really nothing "crazy" about it.

Let’s not forget that the AP poll was legitimate enough in the eyes of the BCS people that they completely revamped their ranking system after the 2003 season to preclude the recurrence of a unanimous #1-ranked team being excluded from their title game.

Don't believe everything you see in the movies.

USC’s next opponent, Fresno State, believes they have found some chinks in the Trojans’ armor. “The Bulldogs said they . . . noticed some obvious mistakes and subtle errors by USC that opponents failed to take advantage of.”

Adam Jennings, receiver, California State University, Fresno: “You see them on the ESPN highlights and think these guys are the greatest team ever. In the film room . . . they don't look superhuman. You get to see the bad plays, the stuff not on ‘SportsCenter.’ You see mistakes and you have to figure out ways to exploit their weaknesses.”

Beware Bulldogs! Looks can be deceiving.

Houston Nutt, Head Coach, University of Arkansas: “Film is one thing. When you watch film and see them score 55 on Oklahoma’s caliber of defense . . . but to see it live. They are the best offensive team at every position.”

Jerry Glanville, Defensive Coordinator, University of Hawaii, watched every snap that Matt Leinart took in 2003 and 2004. After the game, he said the fifth-year senior was “better than he was last year.”

Bill Doba, Head Coach, Washington State University: “In the first quarter, their speed was something we had never seen.”

That’s right, folks. USC’s School of Cinema-Television, the country’s top film school and the alma mater of George Lucas (who has been spotted at several USC football games this year), is doing its part to support the football team’s 2005 campaign. It’s amazing what they can do with special effects these days.

Fiutak's Voodoo T-shirts

Pete Fiutak recounts the following amusing story in this week's "Cavalcade of Whimsy" on College Football News:

The bidding starts at one USC Song Girl . . . This is no lie. I was wearing my UCLA Football t-shirt while running on the treadmill during the USC-Notre Dame game a few weeks ago. I took a very quick shower during the commercial break after the Brady Quinn fourth quarter touchdown run, and then unwittingly threw on my USC Football t-shirt when I got out. You know the rest. I noticed the same thing happened in reverse during the UCLA-Stanford game. I was wearing the USC t-shirt when working out, took a quick shower early in the fourth quarter, put on the UCLA t-shirt, and the Bruins won with an epic comeback. Guess what shirt was in the rotation when UCLA got destroyed by Arizona? I will wear one of the two on December 3rd. You may begin to woo me.

First of all, that anyone, even someone completely unaffiliated with either university, could so casually switch back and forth between USC and UCLA attire strikes me as very . . . wrong; like the situation on the ESPN commercial where the Ohio State guy and the Michigan girl (or is it the other way around?) are sitting together on the couch acting schmoopy.

Secondly, wear the UCLA T-shirt on Dec. 3, Pete - I wouldn't want there to be any doubt on Dec. 4 that the pasting given to the Bruins by the Trojans resulted from anything other than USC's vastly superior talent, coaching, and fortitude.

On the other hand, who can blame him for the attempted ploy to score some time with a Song Girl?

Don't Panic

I finally added a subtitle to the blog. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy reference will immediately be clear to fans of Douglas Adams. No, you won’t see me at a Hitchhiker’s Guide convention with a prosthetic second head and a fish stuffed in my ear, but I am a big fan of the books. I read them (the first four, anyway) during elementary school, and they surely influenced my sense of humor and contributed to my appreciation of British comedy.

Click this link to play the BBC’s 20th Anniversary Edition of Infocom’s Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – The Adventure Game. I remember playing the original version of this game on my family’s Apple IIe.

In case you were wondering, I usually know where my towel is.

Very amusing . . .

video. Even Gators fans in the crowd are "Gettin' Jiggy wit' It". (finder's credit to EDSBS)

Condi is possessed!

This is amusing.